Two Women Give Me a Shocking Experience!

I went to my ALS Clinic to get a nerve conduction test back in December. The test was to determine if I was a candidate for a Diaphragm Pacing System which is something like a pacemaker for my lungs. The test involved putting electrodes on my ribs and shocking a nerve in my neck. The shock was noticeable but not bad. I have done worse to myself when I replaced a wall outlet but forgot to flip the circuit breaker. That should explain my decision not to be an electrician.

The doctor and the nurse who administered the test were women. My arm was in the way when they put the electrodes on my ribs, so the attractive nurse who was assisting held my arm. She was also turning dials so she put my hand on my knee. At some point during the test I realized that a woman had placed my hand on her knee and another woman was shocking me with an electric current. This was a mixed message, to say the least. I have the following thoughts:

(1) I am sorely tempted to make a broad philosophical statement about the behavior of women. I will abstain because I am the father of two women, have many female friends, and most of my nursing home caregivers are women. Any such statement could be injurious to my health. Suffice it to say I have dated women like this. Ouch.

(2) I will never put my hand on a woman's knee again. Having reached that conclusion, I think we may have an addition to high school sexual abstinence programs. Bring teenaged boys one by one into a dimly lit room and seat them next to an attractive young lady. Turn on some mellow jazz heavy on saxophone. As soon as the boy touches the young lady on the knee or anywhere else, zap him. Repeat until the boy runs screaming from the room. In no time, the rate of teenaged pregnancies will drop, all the high school sports teams will have more than enough players, and stock in the electric company will see a meteoric rise. If we elect enough Republicans this Fall, I will present this idea before Congress.

(3) There may be a wee bit of exaggeration in this article. The staff at my ALS Clinic always treats me professionally and with care. I wish I had said to the attractive nurse, "I realize you are married, but when I had my hand on your knee I could swear I felt electricity!" I hope she reads this and laughs.

In other news, please help me raise money for the Jim "Catfish" Hunter (NC) Chapter of the National ALS Association. The Catfish Chapter is having a Walk to Defeat ALS in Charlotte on April 28th. Come join me at the Walk, contribute money for the cause, or become a fundraiser yourself. To find out how to do these things, contact me at tmswift1 at gmail.com. Thank you!

(This article first appeared in the Asheville, NC Citizen-Times newspaper.)

Unconditional Love

Valentine's Day celebrates romantic love. I want to write about a love that is deeper and more powerful. I want to write of unconditional love.

Unconditional love can support and sustain all other loves. It can hold a loving couple together when romance fades and companionship is strained. It can maintain a friendship when there are hurt feelings and all affection is gone. It can cement family relationships when differences in politics, religion, and lifestyles threaten to tear it apart.

Unconditional love is a decision to be made, not an emotion to be encouraged. It is an act of will to love "no matter what." There is no falling into this kind of love. It is a choice and, because it is a choice and not a feeling, it can be commanded. We are told to "Love God," "Love your neighbor," and even "Love your enemy."

Unconditional love is not easy to give. It is most easily recognized when it is given with self-sacrifice. The supreme example of unconditional love is the crucifixion of Jesus.

Unconditional love is not easy to receive because we do not trust it. We do not trust it because we believe every gift has a price, but unconditional love is a gift with no strings attached. We have learned through hard experience that declarations of love can be used to manipulate and subdue, but unconditional love wants only what is best for us. It seems too good to be true.

Unconditional love is not easy to receive because it can lead to a feeling of unworthiness. We shrink from this wonderful love because we know we are not wonderful. We do not deserve it. In time we learn that deserving this love is not the issue and, in fact, we cannot deserve it. We can only accept it.

Unconditional love depends upon the worthiness of the giver, not the recipient. Receiving unconditional love makes the recipient worthy. The unworthy recipient is transformed by unconditional love into a worthy giver, for once it has been received it can then be given.

Unconditional love is the most powerful force on earth. When we think of power, we think of bombs and bulldozers, but unconditional love does not force its way upon us. It can be rejected. When accepted, it has the power to change us from self-centered creatures into sons and daughters of God, bright shining as the Son.

All of Christianity is a response to God's unconditional love for us because God is love. God became human so that humans might become like God. In no other way is this more evident than by our ability to love as God loves. When we are filled with God's unconditional love, and it overflows from us to others, the world will be transformed and the Kingdom will come.

(This article first appeared in The Epistle, the newsletter of St. James Episcopal Church in Hendersonville, North Carolina.)